Four Ways to Slow the ‘Speed of Life’

On Father’s Day weekend I found myself facing a dilemma. With our kids’ sports over for the season, an “all about Dad” weekend, and a perfectly beautiful day, I was hell-bent on seizing the moment. I had everything to do, and all day to do it. On our deck with my wife that morning, I discussed the endless possibilities of how to capture the day: biking, hiking, sightseeing, road-tripping, etc.

To my surprise, my wife said, “Why don’t you just enjoy the day?” Hence, the dilemma: What was the best way to do that? Was it by doing as much as possible, or by relaxing and enjoying my free time? My first instinct was to do as much as I could, so as to not “waste the day.” Trained to be task oriented, both from a busy work life and home life, I instinctively kicked into activity mode, never once considering relaxing and enjoying the day until my wife mentioned it.

It’s something that has stuck with me ever since. I’ve complained to my wife that our schedule leaves me exhausted on Mondays and that we needed to plan or do “less,” only to now realize that I was the problem all along. My inability to relax, even on vacations, had earned me the nickname of “Eager McBeaver” from my brother-in-law. Hopefully, it is also a term of endearment.

Searching for answers for reasons behind this hyperactive behavior, I went online. To my shock, I discovered that I was exhibiting “Type A” personality traits. I know many Type A people, and I would not describe myself as one, or at least I haven’t been acting like one. So how did I suddenly get this way?

Much has been written about how technology has changed our lives, allowing us to blend our professional and personal lives, and enabling us to do more in less time. And our children’s lives, especially as they grow older, are very busy. Yes, they were contributing factors, but neither could fully explain my change.

I came to the realization that my definition of a “good day” was now defined by how much I got done, and not necessarily by what I had accomplished. The daily routine dictated by a “to do” list, with the “speed of life” moving ever faster, wound me up like a toy soldier. My only consolation was that I was not alone in this feeling.

This perpetual state of motion leaves many of us with the inability to sleep. What the body doesn’t complete during the day, the mind tries to finish at night. And perhaps the tension in our jaw or back, or both, is not from stress, but rather from the cognitive dissonance in knowing that what we have become is not who we truly are.

The question is, how do we slow down the world, or maybe more simply, how do we slow down ourselves? After pondering this “state of being” for a while, it seems that there are four things driving this behavior:

  • The No-Win List – First, we need to recognize that we are fighting a losing battle. Regardless of how many tasks are completed, there are always more. As a result, we feel no real sense of accomplishment, causing us to want to do even more, and/or assign tasks to others. Hence, my Type A tendencies and an inability to “turn off.”
  • Time Is Our Enemy –  I realized that my training habits focused on going further in fewer minutes had spilled over to the rest of my life in trying to do more in less time. Years ago, I worked with a woman who was a single mother and an outstanding manager. I asked her what her secret was for balancing it all and getting so much accomplished. She said, “I’ve come to realize that there is only so much I can do in a day, and then there’s always tomorrow.” Sometimes I/we forget that there is a tomorrow.
  • The Roses Have No Smell – They have no smell, because there is no time to smell them.  As a result, we need to create or find a way to recognize an accomplishment no matter how small, before habitually moving to the next task. An entire day could pass, and I would have no idea of what I did, one day would bleed into another. The only way to distinguish them was by the unique tasks that needed to be addressed that particular day.
  • Autopilot Mode – This default setting can take us completely out of the present. It removes our ability to recognize the “little things” that matter or happen in daily life. It can also be hurtful or harmful to others.

So what did I do on Father’s Day? I slowed down and enjoyed the time. I stayed on the deck and read the paper in its entirety, watched a movie that I had only caught snippets of over the years, and went for a family bike ride with my head up, enjoying the sights—as opposed to staring at the bike computer to see how fast I was going.

I know now that some of us (me) take the “carpe diem” thing a little too seriously. A little less seizing of the day, and more enjoying it is the order of the day. Yes, technology has enabled us to cram more into a day, but we’re the ones who operate it. Our lives aren’t going to slow down, but maybe we can find ways to enjoy it more by recognizing the opportunities for small “accomplishments” in daily life.

Finding moments to hug our children is a small but important “win.” Taking the time to open the door for our wives before jumping in the car to race to a game or school event is a must. Celebrate a professional achievement, before moving on to the next task, after a job well done.

There will be days when I’ll fall back into seize mode, but I also know that when I start feeling like the toy soldier being so tightly wound, I can go back and read this again, and hopefully, take a little pressure off the spring.

To Hell and Back

Our air condition picked preciously the right moment to die — during a streak of the hottest weather of the summer.  We knew the day was coming for 10 years, ever since the home inspector told us to replace the HVAC system.  We’d light a candle and say a prayer every time the service van pulled up in the driveway.  Our system was the definition of “they don’t make them like the used to” until a 90 plus degree-day, finally made it obsolete.IMG_0378

Calling the heating and air conditioning repair shop that we had developed a relationship with over the years, we dug out the five-year-old quote to finally place the order. But first, we would have to endure ten days of oppressive heat until the unit would be installed.

Fortunately, I had a favorable travel schedule that would take me out of town for five of the ten days.  So, on the day of the installation, I took the bullet, or more accurately, the heat seeking missile, and stayed at the house waiting for the service techs…which also happened to be the hottest of the 10-day stretch.

The techs arrived at 9 am, and I camped out on our deck to get some work done.  With a 20-inch oscillating fan blowing my way, the day started off well.  Walking through the house one of the techs commented that our house was the hottest house he had ever serviced…echoing the same comment the sales person made on his initial visit.

Passing the thermostat, I noticed that the house had reached 93 by 11 am.  Thanks to a new roof and windows, our house held temperature in like an oven, which it was quickly becoming.

By mid-day the house was 95 degrees and showed no sign of stopping. The service guys and I were consuming ice water like it was beer at Oktoberfest.  By this time it was too hot to be outside or inside, with both my phone and computer giving me heat warnings.

Then in a fit of true insanity, most likely heat induced, I decided to cook.  Leaving for vacation the following day, I was determined to eat the vegetables that had finally ripened in our garden. Any man in his right mind, which I obviously wasn’t, would have grilled, but we had ripe zucchini and I was hell bent (pun intended) on making one of our favorite meals.

This would involve doing the top two things you should never do in a hot kitchen — boiling water and frying oil.  At one point in the cooking process, I realized that the house could have been in flames around me and I would have had no idea.  It was the definition of a “hot mess”.

After dinner, and perhaps a result my cooking, the UEI IND151 heat sensor would register a high of 97.5 degrees in the house, shortly before the new AC would kick on.

Through this experience I learned a few things:

  • “Fire” and “heat” are perfect metaphors for Hell.
  • “Crazy from the heat” isn’t just an expression, it’s a reality…I know I lived it.
  • Johnny Cash got it right when he sang “we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout”.

But more importantly, I was reassured that people can be kind and generous.  Neighbors offered sympathy, fans, shelter and refuge.  A neighbor we had only known for a short period of time offered us their home while they were on vacation.  Others insisted that we come by and use their pools to give us, and our dog, a break from the heat.

The heating and air conditioning company we used wasn’t our first choice but turned out to be the best choice.  The first company told us it would be three weeks before they could schedule us.  My wife tried to reach them unsuccessfully for days, trying to move up the date, concerned about the health and well being our family.

Not getting a return call, she turned to a local family owned business by the name of Snell & Sons, who had sympathetic ear and a reserve of AC units for just this type of emergency.  They were able to install it sooner, for less, and were completely in tune with our situation.

Our lives are busy, often leaving little time to socialize with our neighbors or friends.  We default to email or social media because it’s quick and easy.  But this experience reminded us of how effective, and important, person-to- person communication can be, and like air condition, how often we take it for granted.

People can, and still do, look out for one another.  They can be sympathetic and generous, reminding us that we’re not alone in this world, even though it may seem that way sometimes, and that, a small business can often offer something large nationwide providers can’t, or don’t — empathy.  The best of them know that the lifeblood of their business is referrals and customer loyalty.

They don’t need to offer elaborate rewards or points to gain, or keep, a customer.  Most likely, the customer is won or lost based on how they respond to the person on the other end of the line in their time of need.  And they know, when the time comes, that experience will be shared with others.

It’s often said that we live in a “small world”, and in a situation like this, we’re reminded of why that is a good thing.